The Vacation From Hell
by Flower Gal Aeris
Summary: Sephiroth and Aeris take a vacation to Costa del Sol. Nothing but rest, and relaxation... yeah, right. Mild sexual content; changed the rating to "R" for obvious reasons. Chapter Three is here!! The evil figure is revealed!
1. 1- What A Pissy Day!!!!

The Vacation from Hell ****

The Vacation from Hell

By Aeris

Disclaimer: I don't own FF7. Ha. And thank God I don't own the Furby. If I did, the damn things wouldn't exist in the first place!! Stupid fuzzy bastards…always falling off the dresser and going off at flippin 2A.M.…grrrrr….well onto the fic. This is scripted, BTW. 

And thanks to SpamBlade and The Last Son Of Krypton for helpin me with ideas in the forum. This fic is dedicated to them, and my boyfriend El Seph. 

Beware, this fic has some sexual content. Nothing too horrible, but I changed the rating to R just to be on the safe side, because it does get a little into detail farther on in the fic. Consider it a lime.

Enough chitchat, onto my latest work of insanity! insert evil-ish laugh here

****

Part One

What a PISSY day!

(It's evening in the slums. Although you wouldn't really know the difference, since ya can't see the sun…well, anyway! According to the wonderful clock, we know that it's evening. Aeris is walking home from Wall Market, shopping bag in one hand, Princess Guard in the other.)

Aeris: (cough) "Dammit…what a shitty day…first some stupid idiot nearly flattens me with his car, then someone tries to mug me, unsuccessfully…(smirks, remembering the use she put to her newly-mastered Fire materia). And now I think I'm getting the flu that's been floating around! (she covers her face to sneeze, still walking forward) Could this day possibly get any worse?!"

(Thunder sounds and it starts to pour on the upper plate; a torrential downpour starts in the slums due to the leakage.)

Aeris: "…damn…"

(Meanwhile, at Sephiroth and Aeris' house…)

Sephiroth: "Wow, this is great…wait till I tell her!"

(The door opens and Aeris walks in the house, soaked head to toe and dripping)

Seph: "…got caught in the rain, huh?" (hands her a towel)

Aeris: (accepts and dries herself off) "Yeah, one of the many things that went wrong today…please don't ask…not right now…I just need a nice, hot, steamy shower."

Seph: "Alright then…but I have something to tell you first."

Aeris: (drying her hair) "Hmm?"

Seph: (shows her two coupons for round-trip airfare to Costa del Sol) "Eh?"

Aeris: (drops the towel, her mouth dropping to the floor [no, not literally…]) "…where…how did you… …I love you!" (jumps on him and hugs him tight) "Just when I get pushed to the brink of utter insanity from this stupid city, you decide to take us to the most beautiful, most romantic place on the Planet! When the hell did you become a mind reader?"

Seph: (hugging her back) "Oh, when I manipulated Clot-boy. Go on and shower while I pack for us."

Aeris: (pulls away) "Pack? Already?"

Seph: (rubs the back of his head) "Heh…heh…our planes leave at 6AM tomorrow morning…" 

Aeris: "Egghh...well…you're still the best boyfriend in the world." (kisses his cheek and goes off to shower, leaving a trail of rainwater in her wake.)

Seph: (sweatdrop) "Better go pack us up…"

(in the bathroom. Aeris strips off her dripping wet clothes and hops into the shower)

Aeris: "Ahhhhh….…..warm……later, stress, I'm going on vacation…"

(in the bedroom…)

Sephiroth: "Well, I got my suitcase packed up…now, for Aeris'…" (looks through Aeris' drawer) "Uh...umm…should I just pack them all?" (grabs a handful of her underwear and lays them in the suitcase) "Now for clothes…hmm…" (opens the closet and looks through her wide 'variety' of clothes) "Pink dress…pink dress…pink dress with slit…red jacket…red jacket…" (grabs two dresses and one jacket and folds them into the suitcase) "Well, that was simple." 

(Seph sets the two suitcases next to the door, just as Aeris walks in wearing just a bath towel)

Aeris: "All packed?"

Seph: "Ahh…" (gulps) "Yeah. All done. Everything. Ready for bed?"

Aeris: (walks over) "Well, I'm ready for bed, but not to sleep…"

Seph: (wraps his arms around her) "What do you mean by that?"

Aeris: (arms around his neck) "Don't play stupid…"

(Aeris drops her towel, and Sephiroth turns out the light.)

(next morning)

Sephiroth: (yawns and stretches, blinking his eyes open. He looks over to the clock. "Ah…5:30…" (lays his head back down to sleep. About five seconds later, he bolts out of bed, tripping over the sheets and landing on his bare ass, dragging his girlfriend with him)

Aeris: "What the—Sephiroth, did you forget to set the alarm?!"

Seph: (sweatdrop) "Well…ahh…yeah…"

Aeris: (throwing her clothes back on) "No time…if we hurry we can still make the flight…"

Seph: (throwing his clothes on as well) "Sweetie…"

Aeris: (running around frantically) "I can't find my other boot!!"

Seph: "Honey…"

Aeris: (grabs it from under the bed) "Found it!! Now I just need my ribbon…"

Seph: (catches her by the arm) "Aeris…slow down…I can teleport us there, remember?"

Aeris: (blinks a couple more times, before what he just said sinks into her mind) "Oh…yeah…"

(She walks over to her suitcase, setting it on her bed and opening it)

Aeris: "…where's my ribbon?"

Seph: (holding it up) "It was on the dresser…"

Aeris: (walks over to him) "Oh...thanks." (Puts it in)

Seph: (holds her close) "What do you want to do once we get to Costa del Sol?"

Aeris: (giggles and wraps her arms around him) "Well…there's a beach, isn't there?"

Seph: (smiles and gets closer) "What did you have in mind?"

Aeris: (whispers in his ear)

(A small rustling is heard in the bush outside the window, and a small figure jumps into the open suitcase, burrowing underneath the clothes.)

Aeris: (pulls back and smiles, kissing him) "Just wait…"

Seph: (swallows hard) "I…hope I can…"

Aeris: (goes over and shuts her suitcase) "We have to get there first…lets go now so we get on the plane."

Seph: (grabs his suitcase and holds her with his other arm) "Yeah, let's go, sooner we get there, the sooner we…" 

(Aeris giggles and holds onto him. They teleport away)

(??)

Aeris: "Ahh…ahh…"

Seph: "Uh…"

Aeris: "Ahh…" (sneeze)

Seph: "…" (hands her a tissue)

And…end of part one! Wheehee…to be continued. 

What was in Aeris' suitcase? What were they planning to do when they arrived? Why am I speaking in question? Find out the answers to two of these questions in The Vacation From Hell—Part two, "What the hell is in this airline food?!"

^-^

Please review…please…I'll give you a sucker…? (A candy sucker, all you nymphomaniacs out there :P)


	2. 2- Sephiroth + Manipulate Materia + Airp...

The Vacation from Hell ****

The Vacation from Hell

By Aeris

****

Part Two

Airplane Part I:

Sephiroth + Manipulate Materia + Airplane = ?

(Scene: Airport. Sephiroth and Aeris are standing at the gate, getting ready to board the plane)

Sephiroth: (hands the agent the tickets)

Agent: (gawks) "Y…you're…S-S-Se…"

Seph: (rolls eyes) "Sephiroth. Yes I am. And if you don't stop staring at me like a hillbilly idiot you'll be meeting Masamune as well."

Aeris: (blink) "Go, Sephy…!"

Agent: (gulp) "Ah….sir…you n-need to check y-your baggage…"

Seph: (glares)

Agent: (cowers) "P-please d-don't hurt m-me…I'm j-just doing m-my job…"

Seph: (scoffs and hands over the two suitcases) "So help you Holy if these don't arrive in Costa del Sol the same time we do…"

(they walk across the bridge-thingy and onto the plane. They find their seats and sit down, Aeris at the window and Sephiroth in the middle.)

Aeris: (acting curious, looking through the magazines) "Hmm… where are the headphones…? Oh, here they are…" (pulls them out. A paper is attached that says 'Movies only.') "Oh, Sephiroth, there's a movie on this flight."

Sephiroth: "Hmm, really? I wonder which one it is…"

Aeris: "I hope it's 'American Pie 2.'"

Sephiroth: (raises an eyebrow at her)

Aeris: "What? Hehe, I loved the first one."

Sephiroth: "What, where that one guy screws a pie? And the other has the cup of beer and he—" 

??: "OH MY GAWD!!"

Seph and Aeris: (jerk their heads up and look at the figure; they both facefault) "…Oh, great…"

Yuffie: (hyper) "Oh my GAWD, Sephiroth and Aeris!! I haven't seen yous in like, forever!! Wassup??"

Aeris: (sweatdrop) "Not much…"

Seph: (glowers) "Not much at all…just trying to enjoy our vacation…"

Yuffie: (babbling) "Oh gawd this is so cool, this is gonna be so much fun!!"

Seph: (growls)

Aeris: (whispers) "Seph…please be nice just until we get there…"

Seph: "Hmph…"

Aeris: (whispers in his ear)

Seph: (perks up) "Ah…uh….anything you say! Even if I have to be nice to that…"

Yuffie: (still rambling on about nothing) "And then I told him 'Like, no way! You can take that and shove it up your ass, y'know??"

Sephiroth: "…idea." (casts mute on Yuffie)

Yuffie: "…, … …! …." (thinks she's still talking; her lips move but no noise comes out)

Seph: (relaxes) "Much, much better."

Aeris: (head in her hands) "What am I gonna do with you…"

(Seph cocks an eyebrow. Aeris blushes and giggles. The pilot's voice sounds over the intercom)

Pilot (Cid!): "Hello and welcome to Highwind air, this is your Captain speaking, la-dee-%&#$-dah. 

Rich, fat lady: (with a monocle, British accent, and a miniature poodle on her lap) "I say! Such vulgar language…"

Cid: "Approximate flight time will be one hour, 17 minutes, and it's expected ta be quite a bumpy ride, so hold onto your drawers and don't piss in 'em!"

Aeris: "Huh…I didn't know Cid had his own airline. Well, at least it's a short flight."

Seph: (looks over at Yuffie, still blabbering…silently) "All I know is the sooner we get there, the better…"

(Cargo bay; they've just finished loading the baggage on)

(the zipper on Aeris' bag starts to move, and unzip. A small figure jumps out and waddles towards the cabin)

Figure: "Party!!"

(back in the cockpit)

Cid: (on intercom) "Flight attendants, prepare for $%#&^@ takeoff!"

Co-pilot: (flicks a few switches and presses a few buttons, obviously doing both parts of the job) 

Cid: (gulps at some tea) "Ahh…bein a pilot is energy-consuming. %$#@."

(cabin)

Yuffie: "…, …. … … …! … …? …..!"

Sephiroth: (snickers) "Oh, do go on Yuffie. I'm listening."

Yuffie: (nods) "…, …, …!!!"

Aeris: (rolls her eyes, then looks over to Yuffie making a fool of herself. She starts to giggle) "Sephiroth, what am I gonna do with you… (eyes him and shakes her head) Forget I asked. I already know the answer to that one."

Seph: (Chuckles evily and fingers a few materia in his wrist armor) "Manipulate…"

Yuffie: "…! … …??" (stands up)

Seph: (concentrates harder, making Yuffie walk into the aisle.)

Flight attendant: "Excuse me, miss?"

Seph: (concentrates deeply.)

Aeris: (catches on, snickers and uses Echo Screen on Yuffie)

Yuffie: (pulls her shirt up over her head) "I am the great Yuffolio!!! I must have TP!!"

Flight Attendant: "Miss? I have to ask you to sit down, we're pending takeoff"

Yuffie: (whips out Shuriken and aims at F.A.) "Are you threatening me?! I AM YUFFOLIO!!! WAAAADADADADA!!!!" (runs into the cockpit)

Cid: "Take off time! Let's go $#%@$#!!" (Jet starts zooming down the runway)

Yuffie: (barges in) "I AM YUFFOLIO!!!!"

Cid: "HOLY SHITTIN' %$#@$%^&!!!!" (lets go of the steering thing)

Co-pilot: (calm, mans the steering thing by himself)

Cid: "Yuffie! You stupid #$%^!!! GET THE HELL OUTTA THE COCKPIT!!"

Yuffie: "Huh, huh, you said—"

Cid: "NOW!!! $%#@$&^*#!!!" (shoves Yuffie backwards, just as the jet lifts off the ground)

(Yuffie goes flying backwards, through the cabin and smashes up against the back wall, sending trays over the floor. Sephiroth is bursting with laughter by this time, and releases his hold on Yuffie. The plane is in the air now and has stabilized)

Yuffie: (blinks) "…wha?"

Flight attendant 1: "Please take your seat!"

Flight attendant 2: (ushers Yuffie over to Sephiroth and Aeris again)

Sephiroth: (stops laughing and takes on 'Innocent One-winged Angel' appearance…)

Aeris: (blushes and looks out the window, trying not to explode with laughter)

Yuffie: (rubs her forehead) "Huh…I've gotta headache now. I think I'll just take a nap…" (leans the seat back and passes out)

Seph: (snickering, Aeris hi-5's him) "That was classic."

Aeris: (kisses him) "You're so evil…" 

Seph: (smirks and kisses back) "I know."

~end of part 2!

^-^ Reviews are appreciated very much!! I need motivation, y'know…

Stay tuned for more!! What was that little figure in Aeris' bag? Can ya guess? Mweehehe…

What other evil uses will Sephiroth put his materia to? What else can possibly go wrong on their *innocent* vacation?

And most importantly…

WHAT IS THE IN-FLIGHT MOVIE?!?!?!


	3. 3- What the HELL is in this Airline Food...

The Vacation From Hell ****

The Vacation From Hell

By Aeris

****

Part Three

Airplane Part II:

What the HELL is in this Airline Food?!

(scene: cabin. Sephiroth and Aeris are siting back, relaxing. Yuffie is passed out in the aisle seat.)

Sephiroth: (stretches his arms) "Ahh… nice and quiet."

Aeris: "Hm. Yeah, it _is_ kinda nice to get away from the slums. Although, you kinda get used to the corpses and monsters and such…"

Sephiroth: (puts his arm around her) "Well, now you have a chance to get used to sand on the beach, the ocean waves, and let's not forget… (whispers in her ear.)"

Aeris: (giggles and lays her head on his shoulder) "Gee, you're pretty set on that aren't you?"

Seph: (beams) "Yep."

Cid: (over the speakers) "'Ey all ya $%^&#@$ on my plane today. I regret to inform ya that there can't be no movie 'cuz the damn flight's too %$#%^ short. But ya kids can all relax and enjoy some TV, $#@%^$*&!"

Aeris: (facefault) "I was really looking forward to a movie…"

Seph: "Ah, don't worry. We can see a movie once we get to Costa del Sol."

Aeris: (smiles up at him) "Well, what's on TV then?" (looks up at one of the little TV's hanging from the ceiling) "… OHMIGOD!!!! NO WAY!!!"

Seph: (OO;) "What??" (Looks up at the screen) "… oh dear God…"

(On the screen: 

Pirate: "are ya ready kids???"

Kid voices on TV and Aeris: "Aye aye captain!!"

Pirate: "Ay can't hear you!"

Kids and Aeris: (louder) "Aye aye captain!!"

Pirate: (sings) "Ohhhh…. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea??"

Kids and Aeris: "Spongebob Squarepants!!!"

(the theme song goes on for another minute. Sephiroth has his hand on his forehead, and a huge sweatdrop.)

Aeris: (giggles) "What's wrong?"

Seph: "You like that show? It's meant for children…"

Aeris: "Is not!! You're thinking of Teletubbies or something."

(cut to—Seventh Heaven. Marlene is sitting on the floor with a Teletubbies doll and watching the show on TV. Cloud sits next to her with a doll also, and seems to be really into the show…)

Marlene: "Bunnies!!!"

Cloud: (thinking) "I love that purple one…"

(back to the plane. Seph shakes his head)

Seph: (sweatdrop) "Never mind… I'll join you in watching the yellow sponge thing…wearing oddly shaped pants…"

Yuffie: (starts to snore, with an open mouth, and drool hangs from her lip)

Seph: "Eugh…" (jerks his arm away from the impending danger) "That's utterly disgusting. Even more so than Hojo in a thong…" (mental image) "I take that back…Hojo in a thong is much worse…" (runs to the bathroom)

Aeris: "Huh, that was odd."

(a small figure comes waddling past, and into the cockpit, unnoticed)

(Sephiroth returns after five minutes)

Seph: "I feel better now…"

Aeris: "Just in time for lunch." (motions to the waitresses passing out trays)

Seph: (turns green)

(in the cockpit)

Cid: "Snore….heebebebebe… $%#^&… snore…"

Co-pilot: (puts the plane on auto-pilot) "Time for lunch." (turns around, and his face goes white. He screams)

(Cabin)

(the co-pilot's scream can be heard throughout the entire plane. Sephiroth jolts up out of his seat)

Seph: "What was that?!"

Aeris: "It sounded like a scream…let's go see." (stands up)

Seph: "You got your materia?"

Aeris: "Yep."

Seph: "Ok then. Let's go."

(they stroll into the cockpit, and look at the horror before them)

??: "Party!! Wah-doo!!!"

Seph and Aeris: (sweatdrop) "You again?"

Furby: "Me to-loo wah."

Aeris: "Ehh… Sephy, you do the honors."

Seph: (casts Ice3 on the Furby.) "Simple enough."

Aeris: (looks at the frozen Furby) "Heh." (casts Esuna on the pilots)

Cid: "…eh… #$@^%! Sephiroth and Aeris! What the @#%&$ are ya doin in my cockpit?"

Seph and Aeris: (point to the Furby.)

Cid: "…#$%&^."

(back in the cabin. Seph and Aeris have taken their seats, and the plane is about to land.)

Seph: "Hmm…that seemed a little too…easy."

Aeris: "Ah…hopefully that's the last we'll ever see of that little imp. I just want to enjoy this vacation with you." (kisses his cheek)

Seph: (grins) "Me too. No Furby or…er, phone…will ruin this vacation for us."

Author note: Well, this is the first humorous thing I've written since Sept. 11. My sympathies go out to all those affected by this…which is basically the whole country.

Anyway, next chapter: Sephiroth and Aeris arrive at their hotel, to find a…surprise…mwahaha.

Reviews are appreciated. Flames will be poked at with a stick.


	4. 4- Do You Have a Reservation?

****

The Vacation From Hell

By Aeris

****

****

Part Four

Arrival:

Do You Have a Reservation?

(scene: airplane. Cid's preparing for landing, everyone is strapped into their seats. Yuffie is conscious, but only seems to remember certain details of her… 'encounter.')

Yuffie: (blinks) "Why do I have a sudden urge to get TP?"

Sephiroth: (snickers)

Cid (intercom): "Yeah, $^&@!*, we're about to %^$#@ land, so hold onto your drawers…"

Aeris: (relaxes and holds Seph's arm) "Finally, we can start our vacation.."

Seph: (thinks) "Hmm."

Aeris: (looks up) "Huh? What's wrong?"

Seph: (snaps out of it) "Eh? Oh, nothing. Nothing's wrong. What could be wrong?"

Aeris: (furrows her brow) "I dunno. You just looked like something was bothering you."

Seph: (kisses her) "Nothing could possibly be wrong, I'm on a vacation with my flower girl. I was just thinking about what the hell that stupid Furby was doing on the plane."

Aeris: (smiles and kisses back) "Is that all? The little fuzzy thing is gone. Now we can focus on having a good time." (winks at him)

Seph: "Heheh." (grabs her and pulls her toward him) "You're right. This is going to be the best vacation we've ever had."

Yuffie: (clears her throat) "Can you hold off on the PDA?"

Seph and Aeris: (glare) "No."

Yuffie: (sweatdrop)

(the plane lands into Costa del Sol Intercontinental Airport. I'm going to skip the boring airport crap…Seph and Aeris get their bags, catch a cab, and go to the hotel. Now, we can go from there.)

Seph: (stands at the counter) "I'd like the keys to my room, please."

Person: "Do you have a reservation?"

Seph: "What? I don't need a reservation! I'm the Great Sephiroth!"

Person: "The Great who?"

Seph: "Sephiroth! General of SOLDIER! Most powerful man on the Planet!"

Person: "Doesn't ring a bell."

Seph: (pounds the desk) "Summoner of Meteor! Tried to destroy the Planet!!"

Person: (shakes head) "Nope, never heard of you."

Aeris: (steps up) "Have you been living under some really dense rock for the past 20 years??"

Person: "Actually, 30."

Seph: (growls) "Look, just give me the goddamn room!"

Person: "Do you have a reservation?"

Seph and Aeris: "NO!!"

Person: "All right then. That's all you had to say." (hands them the keycards to a suite)

Seph: "Hmph. Rock-dweller…"

Aeris: (holds his arm) "Let's go relax."

Seph: (grabs the suitcases) "Yeah."

(they go upstairs and into their room. FINALLY alone..)

AGH… this chapter was a bit short for even my tastes… ^^; Thanks to all who have read this fic in its short-lived time, and to all that continue to read it! Gokurousan!! 

Coming up: Well, Sephy and Aeris are finally alone, in their hotel room…what do you think's gonna happen?

HAHA, you guessed wrong… chikans…. =P


End file.
